Confused or Scared? Trying to figure it Out ..

So, finally am relieved from my organisation and it's a bit relief. The weekend was great as I met my old B.N.A.G.S. members: Mrs. S and Mrs. B.. It sounds so strange no. Well, we enjoyed a lot. Now am sitting at home and again the dilemma has started surrounding me. I'm still confused and clueless what exactly I want in various areas of my life. I know, I overthink stuff sometimes, but I need to get it out in any case. So, back to the topic, what I exactly want? Let's start with career. Then, I'll discuss other areas.

Career: Sometimes, I think that I'm done with all what I'd ever wish to achieve and don't want to work anymore. But at the next moment, I think no, I want to be independent as I can't ask my parents for money. It's against my ego or self respect(you might say).

Marriage: Now comes the next hot topic. Well, I will admit that I've always dreamt of that fairy tale and have been waiting for the Mr. Right. But, sometimes, I think no I can't shackle myself to anyone for lifetime, it will suffocate me. Oh god, how horrible.

Partner: If people ask me that what kind of partner you want? I can't explain it. As sometimes even an ordinary looking man attracts me while on the next moment I want a high profile person, whome I can respect and introduce to everyone as if I've won a trophy. Lolz..

Driving: This is the last and the recent concern. My parents ask me to learn driving. Even I want to do that so that I can drive wherever I want to but something incide me holds me back to do so as am scared of accidents.

So, in short, I am not able to understand whether I am confused or scared? Can't I make decisions or are my fears overwhelming me? Really, I need to get a job fast I suppose. Till then, I'll try to figure it out, what I want?

Trip to Port Blair

Hi All!

Recently, I visited Port Blair with my family. The place is very beautiful and will suggest you all, that do visit at least once. Here are some pics:

Mann nahi lag raha bilkul bhi :(

Well a lot is going around me and in my head these days which worries me sometimes. While on one moment I think, I need not to worry as everything would be fine in few days, it causes a strange kind of anxiety sometimes. For instance:

I am waiting to be relieved from this hell (my present organisation). They are not paying me as I have to serve the notice period and I've broken the one year bond. This is driving me crazy almost as I'm left with no money now.

Secondly, people are trying to get into my nerves as they ask me when are you planning to get married? As if they have to arrange for the dowry money.. What the hell.. I definitely will get married, once I find a suitable guy who finds me suitable for himself as well (as it should be from both the sides.)..

Third, I have very little balance in my mobile, that's the most important issue as I can't call my friends as frequently as I used to and can't give missed calls every time as it is against my ethics. No offences to those girlfriends who have boyfriends who call them back on giving missed calls.

So, in short, I'm not feeling good at all about anything. It's the time to grab a chocolate, I suppose. And thanks for bearing a ranting post..

Take Care,
Ann

Hope Continues... What's Next ??

Listening to the song: "Noor-E-Khuda" from the movie "My Name is Khan." Some songs, fragrances or incidents always remind us of some special people who touched our lives at some or the other point of time. Likewise, this song reminds me of all my friends, best of friends and acquitances, who came in my life, gave me some sweet memories and then left behind the incomplete stories, cut communication, misunderstandings, anger and much more! Sometimes, I think whether I will be able to meet them again in my life? Would I be able to tell them, that how did I felt at that point of my life when they left? or is this the end of it all? the mystery continues.. but the hope is always there. My sub conscious mind tell me that .. no it's not the end of it. I'll meet them in heaven or hell (God knows)..or may be in my next life. And then, it reminds me of the last scene in the movie "Titanic," where Rose (the lead actress) looks back to find Jack (the lead actor) waiting downstairs for her. So, will it happen with me as well? Will I be able to meet my loved ones and pals in heaven? The question remains unanswered yet. I don't know when the mystery will resolve but the hope continues.....

Random

Nothing much to share. Feeling a bit aloof as Alps has left for her city. Soon, she'll be getting married and will enter a new phase of her life. So, god bless her. Right now, everyone in the office is planning for tomorrow's Diwali Party. However, am not quite excited. Missing all my pals. Last year, I remember we had a blast in our last office with our "gang of gals". But, the scene has completely changed this year. Am in new office. Though I've made many friends here, most of them would be on leave tomorrow so I don't have anyone to crack jokes on others. I know am a bitch who's always looking forward to bitch about others. Lol. Anyway, I had to take it out. Miss you all: Pinks, Alps, Guy with beautiful hair :) and others too.

Here is a beautiful pic. dedicated to all my loving friends. and yeah, Wish you all a very Happy Diwali :)



Take Care and Enjoy!

Love,
Ann

I Surrender

Past few months have been a bit weird, I had new idea where I am heading and what will be stored in future. I have lived my life through planning and a careful behaviour. Though, I've enjoyed it till now, but still feel that I was living in a Box. A box of self made restrictions, obligations and duties. But, this year, 2010 has been a rough year in many ways and now I've learned that no one can plan or plot things as per their will. It's the destiny somewhere that plays its role and directs us. So, I surrender. Now, onwards, I'll just live for the moment and will not plan for future. Yeah, I'm putting a full stop to Planning and Thinking for time Being as suggested by "S" - My friend.


I surrender to joy
Because
Joy is power.

I surrender to love
Because
Love is a power sublime.

I surrender to oneness
Because
Oneness is the measureless power.

I surrender to God
Because
God is the absolute Power supreme.


Take Care,
Ann

Thank You All for Your Love and Affection

Since the day I've resigned from my job, I'm realising that there are so many people who are concerned about me. For instance, one of my blogger friends called me up and suggested me some job offers. Though, we don't know each other personally, still I felt that through this Blog, I've made some wonderful pals. Another friend (Priya) called me up and told she wud be always with me, no matter how things go. I felt so good about it. Moreover, people in my office are coming to me and telling that they are going to miss me. Really, it feels so special when people show that they care for you. Though life is tough, but I've realised that I'm blessed with some wonderful friends and this will help me keep moving... Thank you All :)

Take Care,
Ann